Challenged

“So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.” Romans 7:21 ESV

If there ever has been a verse that I could relate to it has to be this one. I can't begin to count all the times that I have come back to God on my face begging Him once again to forgive me and promising again that I wouldn't ever do it again. It doesn't take a special pair of glasses for me to see my sin. The things that dishonor myself and seriously grieve the Holy Spirit. When it happens I begin to feel that deep sense of remorse almost immediately and I always ask myself this question, "Why on earth did you just do that?"

Whether it is me losing my temper, cursing under my breath or aloud, or any other thing that you can come up with, it always happens again and I remember that heartfelt prayer and think, What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me that I can't seem to stop doing these things, things that in my heart I really don't want to do? 

Wanna know what is wrong with me? It is the same thing that is wrong with us all. I am a very flawed sinner and I have in my heart a very fertile place for my enemy to grow his evil plans and devious ploys. What is wrong with me is that in my humanness I am bound to fall short each and every time when operating under my own power. I will always fall short of the glory of God and the standard set by His Son Jesus Christ, the one that I am supposed to try and emulate. 

If I think really hard I can remember every time that I have fallen before, coming to God humbly to beg his forgiveness and asking for His grace. And the real pain comes when I have to correct my children for the same behavior that I have exhibited in the past. I think to myself and I ask God this question: How can I expect them to I struggle with the same things? Hypocritical much? 

I want to be clear so that no one misunderstands me and what I am saying, God and His grace are not a magical ticket to get out of jail free and just sin at will. But what I find comforting is that Paul struggled with the same things that I deal with now. That should give us all some semblance of hope. 

Charles Spurgeon once said, "The Lord's servants cannot serve Him in their own strength, for they cannot even live unless His grace abounds towards them." What I think he is trying to say is that no matter how hard we try not to sin ultimately it is all for not if we are doing it under our own power. We have to live a life in the Spirit and allow it convict when we do wrong and come back asking for the grace that comes freely to those who ask. I mean the sacrifice was made in our place so that we wouldn't have to live a life of sin and gain a life of freedom.  We need to thank God today for the grace and His unmerited favor when we sin. 

Don't become discouraged. Ask someone to hold you accountable and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the future.