In life, we all have things happen to us that seem unforgivable. But as bad as they seem there is absolutely nothing that is unforgivable through the grace and mercy extended by God. But you might ask me what if: it was infidelity by your spouse? Or maybe you had a dad that drank all the time and used to beat you and your mom? Possibly you had a close friend that betrayed you in the worst ways imaginable? Or maybe someone close to you abused you? How can you ask me to forgive the worst thing that has ever happened to me? I'm not, God is.
My friend you have every right in the world to be angry for being hurt but the thing that we have to remember is what Paul told us in Ephesians 4:26-27, "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Friend, it is completely natural to get mad and at times, it is a completely normal and right reaction. But when anger is planted deep into our hearts and the root is allowed to take hold, the weed of bitterness starts to fester and grow. Allow that weed to grow long enough and it will permeate every part of who you are. You eventually find yourself held prisoner not by something we did but by someone who did something to us.
I like to think of bitterness as it relates to my health. If I was diagnosed with cancer, my immediate reaction would be to have it cut out as soon as possible. I wouldn't want to live one more second with that dangerous affliction rattling around inside my body. And to forgive and show grace is the surgery that we need to rid our hearts of the bitterness. We have to get down to the root of the problem and forgive the specific person or persons that have wronged us in such an intense and personal way. We can't accept the grace of God and refuse to give it to anyone else.
What I am about to say may me misconstrued as naive and at the very least, extremely simple but don't confuse simple with easy. Like my dear old granddaddy used to say to me, "Nothing worth having comes easy."
The apostle Paul had to live out this simplistic approach in his own life. Paul had people in his life and his ministry that intentionally caused him harm, both physical and personal. In 2nd Timothy, Paul tells us of an individual named Alexander that he said "caused me great harm." I would like to point out that Paul didn't rehash what this guy did but I can imagine it must have been pretty serious for him to get a mention in his letter to Timothy. What Paul does here is give us a view that he had been hurt in some way. He doesn't allow it to fester inside him as some secret weed that only he knows about. While it would have been very simple to sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened, Paul knew that didn't work. He knew that he couldn't forgive Alexander that way.
You might say to me, sure I will acknowledge what was done but I want to see justice done. I want to seek out retribution for the hurt that was done to me. I have a friend that has experienced the pain and suffering that comes from finding out their spouse was unfaithful. There was two ways they could release this pain: they could acknowledge it and pray over it or out the cheater publicly on Facebook. I would like to say they chose to release and pray but sadly they chose to publicly out their cheating spouse and the other person involved and when I asked them why, they responded this way,"I want them to hurt like I am hurting. I want them to feel what I am feeling." The way that we are called to respond to a hurt like this is to release our rights back over to God. Give them over to God in prayer. This doesn't minimize the hurt we feel, it simple give God the right to seek justice in His way and in His time. My friend thought that they would feel better through vengeance but what they found was the same old hollow, dull ache that was there before. Romans 12:19 says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, sayd the Lord."
When I read that response it reminds me of the anger I feel in my heart when one of my kids is wronged or hurt in any way. It is natural for me to feel like repaying the pain done to my children and I believe that God feels the same way when one of His children is hurt also. But my friend, even in this type of situation, there has to come a time where we turn it all back over to God, when we release the hurt and the anger we are feeling and allow Him to take control of it all. When we do this in this way we are not only releasing the pain of what was done to us we are giving the person that did it over to God.
But while we give them over to God that doesn't mean that we have to immediately begin to trust them again. It also doesn't free them from the responsibility of being held accountable for their actions. Paul releases the hurt that Alexander inflicted on him but he goes on to set up boundaries so that this type of injury couldn't happen again.
Jesus tells us in Luke 6:27-28, "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." When I read this, it is easy for me to attach names and faces to the "enemies" part but what is more difficult is living out the command of Jesus. It isn't something that can be done through our own power. It has to be done through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit. You can't do it alone. Neither can I. When we try, we inevitably mess it up and in most cases make things worse. As we walk further down the road with Christ and we seek to live a sanctified life, we will find that this becomes easier and easier. But if we are to truly walk this road, then we have to do exactly what Christ has commanded of us, we have to pray for those who hurt us. But the hurt is too fresh? I don't want to let it go yet. Well, what about Jesus. We were His enemy before the cross, yet He walked up the hill and placed on the cross for your sin and for mine. How can we not extend the same grace that was freely given to us?
Most importantly, we have to remember that God is standing right there with us when we give the person that hurt us over to Him. No where in His Word can I find an instance where He left His children to fight a battle when they gave it over to Him first. Paul again tells us in 2nd Timothy 4:17, "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth." We have to learn to lean fully into God during times like these. We have to learn to accept the help that is freely given and allow Him to have full control over our lives if we hope to get past the things that have taken hold of us. Even though bad things happened to Paul, he realized that they only strengthened his message of hope and grace all the more. He used the bad things that happened to him, things meant to harm and weaken him, to strengthen his resolve to preach the Gospel and reach the lost. How much more can our own stories of hurt and pain be used to reach those around us? We all have a platform to reach others. Instead of busting out your cheating partner try using social media to tell others what God is doing in your life. Allow God to use the bad things in your life for His purposes. He always has a plan and His plans are always perfect.
If you have been hurt, abandoned, or abused, look around because God is standing right there with you. He is ready to offer you a grace that isn't just greater than anything you might have done but it is greater than anything that was ever done to you. No matter what has been done to you, you don't have to face it alone. God is right there waiting for you. He was there before you got there. God is like the party guest that always shows up a hour before the party starts. He always knows what is going to happen before we do.
God loves me. He is in my corner. He was with me when my first marriage fell apart. He was with me when my second wife passed away and He has been with me when I have lost my way (more times than I would really like to count or admit). There is never any question if He was going to show up or not. Simply because He is God. Let him have the things that hurt you. Give that person that damaged you and wounded your heart over to God and allow Him to deal with them. Lean into God because He has got your back.
My friend you have every right in the world to be angry for being hurt but the thing that we have to remember is what Paul told us in Ephesians 4:26-27, "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Friend, it is completely natural to get mad and at times, it is a completely normal and right reaction. But when anger is planted deep into our hearts and the root is allowed to take hold, the weed of bitterness starts to fester and grow. Allow that weed to grow long enough and it will permeate every part of who you are. You eventually find yourself held prisoner not by something we did but by someone who did something to us.
I like to think of bitterness as it relates to my health. If I was diagnosed with cancer, my immediate reaction would be to have it cut out as soon as possible. I wouldn't want to live one more second with that dangerous affliction rattling around inside my body. And to forgive and show grace is the surgery that we need to rid our hearts of the bitterness. We have to get down to the root of the problem and forgive the specific person or persons that have wronged us in such an intense and personal way. We can't accept the grace of God and refuse to give it to anyone else.
What I am about to say may me misconstrued as naive and at the very least, extremely simple but don't confuse simple with easy. Like my dear old granddaddy used to say to me, "Nothing worth having comes easy."
The apostle Paul had to live out this simplistic approach in his own life. Paul had people in his life and his ministry that intentionally caused him harm, both physical and personal. In 2nd Timothy, Paul tells us of an individual named Alexander that he said "caused me great harm." I would like to point out that Paul didn't rehash what this guy did but I can imagine it must have been pretty serious for him to get a mention in his letter to Timothy. What Paul does here is give us a view that he had been hurt in some way. He doesn't allow it to fester inside him as some secret weed that only he knows about. While it would have been very simple to sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened, Paul knew that didn't work. He knew that he couldn't forgive Alexander that way.
You might say to me, sure I will acknowledge what was done but I want to see justice done. I want to seek out retribution for the hurt that was done to me. I have a friend that has experienced the pain and suffering that comes from finding out their spouse was unfaithful. There was two ways they could release this pain: they could acknowledge it and pray over it or out the cheater publicly on Facebook. I would like to say they chose to release and pray but sadly they chose to publicly out their cheating spouse and the other person involved and when I asked them why, they responded this way,"I want them to hurt like I am hurting. I want them to feel what I am feeling." The way that we are called to respond to a hurt like this is to release our rights back over to God. Give them over to God in prayer. This doesn't minimize the hurt we feel, it simple give God the right to seek justice in His way and in His time. My friend thought that they would feel better through vengeance but what they found was the same old hollow, dull ache that was there before. Romans 12:19 says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, sayd the Lord."
When I read that response it reminds me of the anger I feel in my heart when one of my kids is wronged or hurt in any way. It is natural for me to feel like repaying the pain done to my children and I believe that God feels the same way when one of His children is hurt also. But my friend, even in this type of situation, there has to come a time where we turn it all back over to God, when we release the hurt and the anger we are feeling and allow Him to take control of it all. When we do this in this way we are not only releasing the pain of what was done to us we are giving the person that did it over to God.
But while we give them over to God that doesn't mean that we have to immediately begin to trust them again. It also doesn't free them from the responsibility of being held accountable for their actions. Paul releases the hurt that Alexander inflicted on him but he goes on to set up boundaries so that this type of injury couldn't happen again.
Jesus tells us in Luke 6:27-28, "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." When I read this, it is easy for me to attach names and faces to the "enemies" part but what is more difficult is living out the command of Jesus. It isn't something that can be done through our own power. It has to be done through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit. You can't do it alone. Neither can I. When we try, we inevitably mess it up and in most cases make things worse. As we walk further down the road with Christ and we seek to live a sanctified life, we will find that this becomes easier and easier. But if we are to truly walk this road, then we have to do exactly what Christ has commanded of us, we have to pray for those who hurt us. But the hurt is too fresh? I don't want to let it go yet. Well, what about Jesus. We were His enemy before the cross, yet He walked up the hill and placed on the cross for your sin and for mine. How can we not extend the same grace that was freely given to us?
Most importantly, we have to remember that God is standing right there with us when we give the person that hurt us over to Him. No where in His Word can I find an instance where He left His children to fight a battle when they gave it over to Him first. Paul again tells us in 2nd Timothy 4:17, "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion's mouth." We have to learn to lean fully into God during times like these. We have to learn to accept the help that is freely given and allow Him to have full control over our lives if we hope to get past the things that have taken hold of us. Even though bad things happened to Paul, he realized that they only strengthened his message of hope and grace all the more. He used the bad things that happened to him, things meant to harm and weaken him, to strengthen his resolve to preach the Gospel and reach the lost. How much more can our own stories of hurt and pain be used to reach those around us? We all have a platform to reach others. Instead of busting out your cheating partner try using social media to tell others what God is doing in your life. Allow God to use the bad things in your life for His purposes. He always has a plan and His plans are always perfect.
If you have been hurt, abandoned, or abused, look around because God is standing right there with you. He is ready to offer you a grace that isn't just greater than anything you might have done but it is greater than anything that was ever done to you. No matter what has been done to you, you don't have to face it alone. God is right there waiting for you. He was there before you got there. God is like the party guest that always shows up a hour before the party starts. He always knows what is going to happen before we do.
God loves me. He is in my corner. He was with me when my first marriage fell apart. He was with me when my second wife passed away and He has been with me when I have lost my way (more times than I would really like to count or admit). There is never any question if He was going to show up or not. Simply because He is God. Let him have the things that hurt you. Give that person that damaged you and wounded your heart over to God and allow Him to deal with them. Lean into God because He has got your back.
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