As a man, it is often hard to discuss the things that scare us or the things that plague us. And no I am not talking about a bad back or a tricky knee. What I am talking about is mental health. It is something that has had a stigma for as long as I can remember. Men don't like to talk about what is bothering them. They don't want to be seen as weak or inferior in any way. We are supposed to be tough and just get through it. The most common mental issue for men today is depression and anxiety. And if not dealt with both of these can literally cripple a man and distort the man he is meant to be.
Depression can be experienced at many different levels and for many different reasons. It is rarely an easy cycle to get out of. And please hear me when I say this, there is a distinct difference between being depressed and living in depression. For example: When you have something go differently than you had hoped you may feel depressed but when your choices and your life begin to look different because of the negative feelings you are carrying around inside yourself, then you are dealing with depression.
I remember the night that I literally gave up. I had just been through one of the hardest times in my life. I saw no relief for the feelings that I was battling. I was alone. Literally and figuratively. I could no longer hide the broken human being that I was on the inside. I had lost my wife, my home, and there I was all alone with my thoughts and I decided my internal battle was going to be won or lost that night. Truthfully, I had lost the desire to fight any longer. I was a slave to alcohol and to my basest needs as a human being. I didn't care about myself or what my actions would do to those around me. I was in the dark.
As I sat there in the darkness I had allowed to creep into my life. Tears spilled down my cheeks and my beard was becoming soaked. It was uncontrollable. I was broken. I felt a tightness in my chest that I can't even begin to accurately describe. All I could think was that this is all too much. At that moment, I had a thought, a thought about what a world without me would look like. I thought about how long it would take for someone to find me. I thought about who would look after my kids and my parents. I thought about all the things and decisions that had brought me to this place. I was depressed and all alone. It was the lowest time of my life. And at that moment I thought there was absolutely no way out. There was no relief in sight.
Depression has a way of taking over the controls. It has a way of putting thoughts that will trick you into thinking that everyone will be better off without you being in their way. But I have learned that as God's child, I have an advocate who will fight for me and will provide me a way out of the dungeon that is depression. For me, it was a phone call from a dear friend that said he just wanted to check on me. I have never told him but he literally saved my life that night because had he not called me, my kids wouldn't have their dad and my wife wouldn't have her husband today. God was looking out for me that night. He saw his child in desperate need that night. He saw me helpless and in a heap on the floor of my house with a gun in my hand. All it took was one person being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God urged him to call out to me in my darkest time. He came to my rescue and until he never knew it.
On my journey throughout my life, I have won and lost. I have been at the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. It is in the lows that I have to understand that life is just going to be hard. I have to dwell on the promises of Christ and His word in my life and the folks that are depending on me. I have lost more and moreover the last five years but I trust in the knowledge that God has a plan for all of it. I don't have to understand it. Through it all, God gives me the strength to keep moving forward. I can't give up because that is exactly what my enemy wants. He wants to see me beaten down and broken. I have to be persistent towards my goals and obedient in my pursuit of fulfilling the things God gives me to do with my life. This life is not my own. My destiny will affect more people than I can count. It is up to me to break the chain of depression in my life so that my children and Lord willing my grandchildren don't suffer but if they do they can find hope by my example.
I need to live a life of expectation. I EXPECT to be delivered. I EXPECT to be suddenly rescued. Help is always there, I only need to ask for it. I have every help I could ever ask for in God's Word. Scripture backs it all up. Scripture defeats the slings and arrows the enemy hurls my direction. Reading God's word and renewing my mind daily with His word is the ultimate weapon in this battle I face daily with depression and anxiety. My problems may be big but my God is bigger.
Depression can be experienced at many different levels and for many different reasons. It is rarely an easy cycle to get out of. And please hear me when I say this, there is a distinct difference between being depressed and living in depression. For example: When you have something go differently than you had hoped you may feel depressed but when your choices and your life begin to look different because of the negative feelings you are carrying around inside yourself, then you are dealing with depression.
I remember the night that I literally gave up. I had just been through one of the hardest times in my life. I saw no relief for the feelings that I was battling. I was alone. Literally and figuratively. I could no longer hide the broken human being that I was on the inside. I had lost my wife, my home, and there I was all alone with my thoughts and I decided my internal battle was going to be won or lost that night. Truthfully, I had lost the desire to fight any longer. I was a slave to alcohol and to my basest needs as a human being. I didn't care about myself or what my actions would do to those around me. I was in the dark.
As I sat there in the darkness I had allowed to creep into my life. Tears spilled down my cheeks and my beard was becoming soaked. It was uncontrollable. I was broken. I felt a tightness in my chest that I can't even begin to accurately describe. All I could think was that this is all too much. At that moment, I had a thought, a thought about what a world without me would look like. I thought about how long it would take for someone to find me. I thought about who would look after my kids and my parents. I thought about all the things and decisions that had brought me to this place. I was depressed and all alone. It was the lowest time of my life. And at that moment I thought there was absolutely no way out. There was no relief in sight.
Depression has a way of taking over the controls. It has a way of putting thoughts that will trick you into thinking that everyone will be better off without you being in their way. But I have learned that as God's child, I have an advocate who will fight for me and will provide me a way out of the dungeon that is depression. For me, it was a phone call from a dear friend that said he just wanted to check on me. I have never told him but he literally saved my life that night because had he not called me, my kids wouldn't have their dad and my wife wouldn't have her husband today. God was looking out for me that night. He saw his child in desperate need that night. He saw me helpless and in a heap on the floor of my house with a gun in my hand. All it took was one person being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God urged him to call out to me in my darkest time. He came to my rescue and until he never knew it.
On my journey throughout my life, I have won and lost. I have been at the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. It is in the lows that I have to understand that life is just going to be hard. I have to dwell on the promises of Christ and His word in my life and the folks that are depending on me. I have lost more and moreover the last five years but I trust in the knowledge that God has a plan for all of it. I don't have to understand it. Through it all, God gives me the strength to keep moving forward. I can't give up because that is exactly what my enemy wants. He wants to see me beaten down and broken. I have to be persistent towards my goals and obedient in my pursuit of fulfilling the things God gives me to do with my life. This life is not my own. My destiny will affect more people than I can count. It is up to me to break the chain of depression in my life so that my children and Lord willing my grandchildren don't suffer but if they do they can find hope by my example.
I need to live a life of expectation. I EXPECT to be delivered. I EXPECT to be suddenly rescued. Help is always there, I only need to ask for it. I have every help I could ever ask for in God's Word. Scripture backs it all up. Scripture defeats the slings and arrows the enemy hurls my direction. Reading God's word and renewing my mind daily with His word is the ultimate weapon in this battle I face daily with depression and anxiety. My problems may be big but my God is bigger.
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