What I am about to write about is something that I have struggled with my whole life. It is deeply personal to me and can make some folks uncomfortable but if I have learned anything in 39 years I have learned this: When God tells you to do something, you had better get it done.
'No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry. '
1 Corinthians 10:13-14 ESV
My temptation is a real one. It is one that has had a root in my heart since I was about 11 or 12 years old. It isn't drugs or alcohol but something just as dangerous. It is called pornography. The idolatry of sex. It is an addiction to lust that will lead a man to surrender his mind, body, money, time, and his God-given purity in the service of it. Given enough time to dig into a man's heart and set down its hooks, it will become his god and master over his life. It creates chains that are hard to break and also ones that can be generational.
When God was creating man and woman, He definitely had a plan. He designed sex for a man and woman to enjoy in the confines of their marriage. It was created for them to show each other true love and ultimate intimacy through their lifetime commitment. When sex is shared in marriage, it is grounded in love, freely shared, and maintains its priceless meaning for a man and woman. There is no guilt, no shame, no cost, and there absolutely are no regrets when it is shared within the confines of a God-ordained marriage.
Pornography does the exact opposite. It strips what God intended to be holy and set apart down to something animalistic and perverted. It is like a sexually based drug that lures a man into going somewhere he never intended to go and staying longer than he intended to stay. It literally warps his mind and his conscience, leaving him addicted, numb to real feelings, and ultimately demoralized. He begins to care less about the people closest to him. He stops being happy about the best things in his life and is in constant fear that someone will find out. Porn makes a man feel guilty, dark, and spiritually distant and disconnected from God. And with all that, the man gives our enemy a foothold in his life and the permission to torment him night and day about his secret sin. All the lies and accusations leave the man weaker and worse off than when he started. I have been in that exact place more times that I would like to admit...
All addictions create a momentary spike of adrenaline in the life of the user. They temporarily feel this rush but it leaves them lacking. The man that dives into that deep pool finds that the undertow just keeps pulling him deeper and deeper. Porn leaves such a wound in the heart of a man that is hard to heal and when in the middle of all that, you think that more of it will make the pain go away or make it better next time. All lust does is breed more lust. Then like I said before, you get caught by the undertow until you ultimately drown as a result.
It took a long time for me to confront this in my own life. It took seeing my sons get older to realize that I had to break this chain in my life. I learned that when I feel the strong pull of this chain that I have to run the opposite way. My enemy always tries to use this temptation to get me off track and out of sync with Christ and His will. He will always use illegitimate means to reach an illegitimate end. It was when I realized that the intimacy I was searching for was actually intimacy with God that I started to see some sort of a breakthrough in my life. I realized that the hole in my heart couldn't be filled by more pornography or more women, that the only way I was ever going to have a whole heart was filling it with God.
Men, if you are struggling with this addiction don't be afraid to admit it. If your sons are struggling with it, don't be afraid to talk with them about it. It takes a real man to admit that he has a problem and an even better man to realize that he can't attack it alone. To defeat this you have to be in God's word and in prayer with God each and every day. It is the only way to win. We have to daily fill our lives with the things that God tells us and if we do we will never have to turn to illegitimate means. The Holy Spirit will fill the hole in our hearts, heal our wounds, and satisfy us in ways that pornography never could.
A friend once gave me this list of God's word that showed me how to walk in freedom from this chain that is in my life...
- Don't allow lust to rule your life ~Romans 6:12
- Put it out of your life ~Ephesians 4:22
- Set your mind on heavenly things ~Colossians 3:1-5
- Remember who it is you belong to ~Galatians 5:24
- Remember that God's grace gives you the power to say NO! ~Titus 2:12
- Run away ~2nd Timothy 2:22
- Be like Christ, suffer rather than sin ~1st Peter 4:1-2
- Trust the Holy Spirit ~Galatians 5:16-25
- Escape knowing that God will protect and provide and never abandon you ~2nd Peter 1:4
God has given each one of us all we need to be happy and successful in our lives. His plan involves me living a life free from the heavy chain of pornography. The only way I can live the life I am intended is finding strength in God's word, prayer, and the accountability of those I trust and depend on. I know exactly how low porn takes me and how it makes me feel emasculated and useless. God never intended on me feeling that way and He surely doesn't intend on me feeling like that again. God's plan and design for me was to be an awesome tool for His will and to accomplish the work that He has given me. Human willpower has never been enough for me to defeat this in my life. I need God's grace and His strength to put that giant down for good. And it all started with a confession to Christ to what He already knew to be true. I couldn't hide it anymore. It took being accountable to my wife and to my close friends for me to start to overcome that giant in my life. It took me discovering the real power that lay within me. That is the power granted by the Holy Spirit this is necessary to whittle that giant down to size.
If you are struggling like I was and feel you have no one to speak with...reach out...I am always willing and able, if not I find a pastor or another brother to share your struggle with but most importantly find someone to hold you accountable. Another brother in Christ that will hold your feet to the fire in regards to what you watch or spend your time and money on. And most importantly, keep pursuing a living and thriving relationship with Christ. That is the best advice I can give to start to escape the pit that is pornography...
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