Thorns

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2nd Corinthians 12:7-10 (ESV)

 
Everyone of us has some sort of "thorn" that we carry with us. Whether it be through a physical aliment of some sort or an addiction that without the help of God we can never hope to beat. No one knows for sure what the "thorn" that Paul speaks about really was. Some scholars have speculated that it was the persecution that he was receiving from the Jewish church while still others have said that it was a physical aliment of some sort (i.e. malaria or epilepsy). The "not knowing" aspect of the thorn in the flesh is actually a positive thing. If Paul would have specifically said what his thorn was, believers from following generations might have discarded his experience if they weren't afflicted with the same thing. However, Christians from many generations have benefited by his reference to the thorn while applying it to their specific problems. The thorn of which Paul speaks gives us an understanding of God's perspective concerning physical infirmities and I believe addiction as well. Sometimes God uses illnesses for his purposes. Paul experienced many sufferings outside of his thorn, yet God used him mightily for the advancement of the Gospel. The existence of illness or suffering in a believer's life does not necessarily constitute a sinful life or a life that lacks faith. Paul pleaded with the Lord on three separate occasions for the Lord to remove the thorn, yet God's grace was enough for the apostle and His power is made perfect in Paul's weaknesses.

I personally suffer with an addiction that started when I was young man. It started innocently enough as a kid seeing an auto parts calendar in a shop with a half naked woman. I remember the rush that it gave me. I was too young to understand how this would affect me for the rest of my life. It would grow like a cancer as I grew older. Like a monster hiding in a closet it would start to consume my life and this was before there was the Internet. I would have times where I would fool myself into thinking that I had it under control. Then just when I thought I was past it I would succumb to it once again. The draw to pornography is just as strong as the draw to use drugs or drink alcohol. And I was just as hooked. The scary thing was that no one could tell I had a problem. No one could see it in my eyes like you would if I was drinking all night. There were no visible scars from injecting a needle in my arm. All the scars that I have made from my addiction are on the inside, in my mind and on my heart. It was many years later before I would seek to make a change in my life. You might ask, "What changed me?" Or "Is the "thorn" still there?" All I can say is I am not the same man that I was even less than 5 years ago.

What brought me to the realization that I could not defeat or remove this thorn alone was a brokenness that I carried within myself daily. It took a supernatural help from a grace giving God and it took me coming to the point that I knew I had to make a change in my life or this was going to ruin the rest of my life. I had to accept accountability from closest brothers in Christ, an accountability that would allow them to check my computer, my phone, and anything else that they deemed necessary to help me stay pure in thought and deed. On top of all that I had to come clean to the one person that I knew it would hurt the most, my wife. And she totally amazed me at the grace that she showed me and has shown to me since that day.

The "thorn" that I carry is not one that everyone can see but it is real and it is a daily struggle. The way that I carry this thorn is realizing that I can't, through my strength, carry it alone. It all comes back to something that caused me to recognize that I am weak in the flesh and I must focus on the power of the Holy Spirit to help me defeat the "thorn" that I carry. I can not "remove" this thorn on my own. And guess what? You can't either! But you can do what I have done. Find someone to hold you accountable. Accept their input in your life. Put barriers in place to protect yourself from falling into the same traps. Ask God to first forgive you but also to create a desire in your heart for His word and for the fellowship with believers. I have prayed to have the "desire" removed from me but I, just like Paul, have realized that God's grace is all sufficient. I realized that only through the power of the Holy Spirit will I be able to live with this "thorn." And the great news is so can you!